Let’s start with the good—hubby’s family was here visiting for Thanksgiving, and we just laughed our hearts out for 10 days while they were here. We went surfing, ziplining, eating, laughing, cooking. Even the hubby got into surfing with us and had a blast, and my brother-in-law forced me out of my comfort zone and I ended up taking him to breaks where I usually don’t go. Brother-in-law now wants to start a new tradition by bringing the whole family out every Thanksgiving and I couldn’t be happier. I cooked a yummy Thanksgiving turkey dinner with gravy from scratch, my daughters crushing up pecans as is their yearly tradition in helping with the sweet potato casserole, home made stuffing, green bean casserole, and sister-in-law helped me with the mashed potatoes, everything turned out delicious and yummy. My heart was so full with them here. !! I can still feel the laughter in my belly and the love everywhere, especially seeing my daughters being hugged and read to and just in general enjoying our extended family time together.
After we dropped them off at the airport, DD2 started to cry, so in an effort to cheer her up, we decided it was time to go get our Christmas tree. Not only did we light it up and decorate it, but we lit up the carport with our holiday lights, baked grandma’s banana bread and gave some to the neighbors, and just generally sent some love out into the world, hurray!
So now the ex-drama:
He was extra ornery with me because he was demanding his make up time for his last minute business trip, which I posted a little about here. Demanding time right when we had visitors was not going to work with me, but we figured out a nice compromise and I thought, okay, finally, now that’s put to rest.
At the same time, he went ahead and filed for CS modification which I touched briefly earlier at Chez Survive, Live Thrive. The thing is, I decided not to contest it, even though the figures included half of what I actually pay for the girls childcare/healthcare, but like I said then, it wasn’t worth the numbers to fight it.
Well, while the family was here, I received notice that the Ex has now decided to ask for a hearing. ???? Ugh. And after hemming and hawing and even though I’m confident in my information and numbers, the PTSD that’s triggered right now in facing him at a hearing is not worth it to go this alone. So I’ve retained an attorney to help me make sure the Ts are crossed and the “i”s are dotted. I know it will cost more $$ than I need it to cost, so I’ve decided to take out a credit card (interest free for first 15 months) and at least get a free airline ticket out of this (bonus that comes when you spend so much within the first month). I know I can pay this off in less than a year, so it is what it is. Now I don’t have to worry about any legal shenanigans on his side and breathe easier. It still sucks.
And the latest passive-aggressive move? This past Saturday was a dad week end. DD1 had a sports tournament, and DD2 was invited to march in a Christmas parade with her girl scouts at the same time. A couple of weeks prior, I offered to help either take DD2 to the parade or DD1 to her tournament; when he didn't respond to me, I quietly asked the girl scout moms to reach out to him last week. He ended up dropping DD2 off to one of the brownie moms instead of responding to me. (I thanked the brownie moms--and so as not to rock the boat, I would just cheer on the sidelines, because the most important was that DD2 could participate and I really appreciated their help!). I just feel so bad about the family drama.
Lastly, through his mother, it sounds like he either thinks he "has more time with the girls than mom does" or his mother has interpreted it that way. (Either way, it’s untrue, le sigh). His mom mentioned this recently to one of the girl scout moms in DD1’s troop in passing-- so it sounds like there may be some lingering sense of "unfairness" about the outcome of our divorce…which means no, he has not moved on from “losing.” And which may be the reason why now he’s asking for hearing. Ugh, I’m tired of the drama.
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I guess this is the life, isn’t it. Embracing the good things, family, holiday planning (I’ve already been asked by one of DD1’s besties about when we’re having our Christmas cookie baking sleepover, lol), creating care packages for our family far away, holiday shopping and baking for the girls’ teachers and friends. Vacation planning—we’re not going anywhere, but I’m just taking time off work to hang with them and just in general breathing in a big breath and enjoying this time of year.
And also contending with the aforementioned drama. Wishing it didn’t exist, sometimes getting frustrated to tears, PTSD-induced anxiety insomnia at times, but it is what it is, and right now I have the strength and means to deal with it.
So love and hugs to the world and to you and your loved ones. Let’s add love and peace and kindness to the world, because it clearly needs it. Here’s to hoping for a better world, and for helping ourselves create that world and being the love. That’s what I’m wishing for.